Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
