You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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