he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
