I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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