Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
