my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
