oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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