A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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