so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
