My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
