Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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