the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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