these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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