Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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