That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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