I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
