I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
