How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize