I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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