Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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