If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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