Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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