Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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