i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
