Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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