Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
