Someone shit on the floor
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
