I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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