She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His hands were made for my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
