Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
