Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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