my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
