you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
