So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
