Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
