Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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