I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
