I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
