he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
