hotel room ftw
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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