I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
