It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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