I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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