Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
