he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize