I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
