He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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