You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
