I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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