Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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