i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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