My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
