Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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