dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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