Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
