dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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