i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
