god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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