you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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