As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
