They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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