It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
