But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
