You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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