sarcasm needs its own font
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
