too bad you live with your parents still
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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