I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
