Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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