you would pick up someone in the library
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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