Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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