My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
