Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
