U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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