It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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