the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
