if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
