Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!